BAAF Episode_6 Rebecca Cafiero
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Steph: Welcome to Becoming Aligned AF, a podcast about redefining success, finding your flow, and building a life that actually fits who you are.
We're ditching the "shoulds" and getting down to what feels unapologetically right. This journey is all about clarity, confidence, and alignment so deep it makes you wonder why you ever settled for anything less.
Consider this your permission slip to do things on your terms, intentionally, unapologetically, and with a little fire. Because when you're aligned AF, you're unstoppable.
Today we're talking to Rebecca Cafiero and she is a transformational speaker, best selling author, and intuitive business guide who empowers visionary leaders to step into their confidence and authority. As the founder of the Pitch Club, she helps purpose driven entrepreneurs expand their visibility and align their soul's work with strategic success. Featured on NBC, ABC, Forbes, and more, Rebecca blends business leadership with spiritual alignment, guiding others to unlock their innate brilliance. She believes confidence is not something that we acquire, but rather something that we remember. And true authority comes from embodying our deepest truth.Rebecca has been a dear friend of mine for six or seven years now, and she's really shown me an example of what it looks like to be a loving partner, a present mother, a heart led business owner, a thoughtful leader, and just an all around loving and caring human being.
I met her at an event that she was speaking at in one of my entrepreneur groups and pretty much went up to her and was like, we're, we're going to be friends. Just, you know, just letting you know.
And ever since then, she has just been such a supportive and loving mentor and friend and just such an important part of my journey. From sitting in her kitchen, playing with post its and figuring out the framework for The Pitch Club to hosting events with hundreds of people, it has been such an honor to watch her develop into the beautiful person that she is today.
So let's welcome Rebecca Cafiero.
Yay, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today because really, truly so much of my journey has been just kickstarted by you. You are such a catalyst for so many of these, this growth that I've had throughout this whole journey.
So it, I just have to say, start off with a huge gratitude, huge thank you. Um, but yeah, let's start off with your six word story.
Rebecca: Guiding awakened women to their purpose, or awakening, can kind of go either way, guiding awakening women to their purpose.
I would love to say ChatGPT gave me that, but it actually was from a psychic I talked to in 2020, and I was like, what? I don't know. That's a stretch. I'm teaching women how to be visible and grow their businesses. And what's really interesting is I've evolved, spiritually and in other ways more into that.
Steph: Oh yeah. it Was like, she saw what you were growing into.
Rebecca: Exactly.
Steph: I love that. And I really do like that you said "awakening" women because it is this process. It is this thing that's continually happening and you're continuing to have this kind of growth, right?
So I met you Yeah, five, six years ago.
Rebecca: Well, almost six because I had just had Valentina and she's going to turn six in April.
Steph: No, it was before Valentina.
Rebecca: It was before Valentina. Oh my gosh.
Steph: It was like September. So yeah, a little bit over six years.
Rebecca: And we met like right before I announced that I was pregnant.
Steph: Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Rebecca: It was like six and a half years ago.
Steph: Six and a half years ago. Um, but one of the things that immediately struck me was that you were just an expander.
You, you really are just an expander, a connector , whatever you want to call it. It just like flows through you in a way.
Rebecca: But you can't just keep expanding, expanding, expanding.
Steph: Yeah, to make that sustainable, you need that time of recovery and you need that step back.
Like, When I started this whole journey, I changed my Instagram handle to slow down Stephy, because it was literally a reminder to myself to just slow down.
Rebecca: I would love to say this has always been something I've intentionally done and no, it's absolutely not true. I'm a generator, first of all, in human design. I'm an Enneagram seven, which is like the visionary, the enthusiast. So I tend to run at a pretty high energetic level, as long as I'm in alignment and doing things I'm excited about.
And I used to just go. And people would say all the time, you need to slow down. You need to talk slower. You need to slow down. You're going to burn out, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't for decades until. I did. And it used to be because I wasn't planning in that intentional, like you say, recovery or that intentional, like going within, I call it my 5 cave, which I'll explain. My body would do it for me. So just break down and I would end up really sick and really quiet for a month, and now what I realize is whether you're doing something big or you're doing something small, if you can actually plan it in I'll give you an example.
I just got back from a week in Mexico, and now theoretically that was very much a slowdown. But it was because I'm going into a speed up period and I was aware of that. And so the more you can do that even down to oh, I'm going to be going to a conference and I'm totally aware that for two or three days, even if you're not speaking, I'm going to be around a lot of people's energy and it's going to be long days. I'm going to be sleeping less, all of that, plan that you're not coming home Sunday night and going back to work Monday.
Like I like to get back from vacation now and get back on Saturdays.
Steph: Yeah. And planning it ahead instead of recovering, you're anticipating it instead of forcing the recovery.
Rebecca: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And so what I think when I realized that this was like something I needed to plan in was early 2020 before the world flipped upside down. And I had a Enneagram call with Tracy O'Malley. It was my first one. But she told me, she's like, you're the visionary. And she was describing all of these things. Like you like to go fast. You like to be doing a lot of things at once. You connect things that, you know, most people don't see like all of this.
But then she said, and where you go in growth, is into what's called the five, which is the investigator. It's like the five cave, and it's actually where you purposely gonna close yourself off. You have less happening and you go really deep into something and then you emerge.
And now I didn't realize, this is like end of January. I didn't realize that was about to happen.
Steph: Mm-hmm .
Rebecca: So when Covid happened. One, I had made a decision in February to end or to put a pause on brand camp, which is a business I had before had a network marketing business. I was like, I don't know if this feels aligned anymore or just, it just didn't, it wasn't exciting me.
And I'd done the corporate thing a long enough of I can do this, but if it doesn't excite me, like I did that for 10 years, I'm like, no, I have to be excited, enthused and aligned. So I went into a cave for about six months, like basically March through September. And I came out of it and launched the Pitch Club and, had a lot of success.
I will say that a lot of times people don't see the times that you're in the cave. And then you come out and you're like, here we go. Well, It's not like that just happened overnight.
Steph: It's like ducks. They look very, very smooth on the surface.
Rebecca: What's going on below?
Steph: But then all of the kicking and all of the stuff that's going crazy underneath.
One of the things that I've seen from you, which kind of made it okay for me to do the same was the cycle of retreating and expanding And retreating and expanding.
Rebecca: And the beautiful thing about that is I saw that happen. Tracy, who's one of my dearest friends. She's look what happens when you go into your 5 cave. And I was like, Oh. I wasn't intentionally, it just happened, but it felt really good.
Like as soon as I got quiet, it felt really good. And so now I've actually planned it in now. Once a month, like this week, I don't have any client calls. I've now planned that in and it allows me to go deeper onto things, even if it's just clean up the noise and closed loops. And I will say, for anybody, regardless of personality type, I think it's really important to plan that in. Um, Unless you're someone that just tends to be quiet all the time, then you might actually need to plan in the opposite, which is like, when are you going to burst?
In a good way. When are you going to expand?
Steph: Yeah, I'm a two and I'm a projector and I feel that way. I have to be inspired in a certain way to make that jump of bursting. The cocoon is too comfortable, right? The cocoon can be comfortable, but, you're prepping for something that if it never happens.
You know who has been really influential of accepting of that slow down period was um, Aisha Marshall
Steph: She introduced this idea of butterfly and that butterfly has to go in the cocoon and in the cocoon. Like you literally can't do anything. You can't rush it. You're going to come out of it eventually. And then you're going to be able to fly and it's going to be magical.
Sitting still and taking that rest is Really giving yourself a chance to, like you said, close loops and To hear that.
So once you're sitting still, once you got there and you're like, okay, I'm a little bit more comfortable.
Rebecca: I will say it's not just sitting still. Cause that's why a lot of people struggle with meditation is we're so used to noise. We're so used to movement, even like you said, in someone that maybe is a projector or, you're not like a fast mover the busyness can be in the mind. And just cause you're sitting still, it doesn't mean it stops your mind from running or racing.
Steph: One of the things that really helped me see a lot of things clearly, And really moved the needle for me, is Breathwork.
Rebecca: You introduced me to Breathwork. I know you do it all the time. You do it with clients. You do it when we have events. And for me, that just increased the clarity of the direction that you want to go.
So what I love about breath work versus meditation and I do like actually using meditation after breath work when my mind is clear, but of just using meditation is a lot of people are like, I sat for five minutes and my mind didn't ever clear.
Rebecca: And so yes, you can train it but it took me like a year to get good at meditation, and now I can drop in, it took me like two times getting good at breath work or I should say where it got an effect and so I feel like if people start with breath work, they're going to have a much faster result.
And to me, it drops you in far, far more than, 10 minutes of meditation
Steph: yeah. And so for people who aren't familiar, how would you describe Breathwork as a tool?
Rebecca: There's a lot of different styles of breathwork and actually I think all of them are good. I will say I first was introduced to breathwork in 2020 and I remember a friend had sent me a YouTube video and it was like 18 minutes long, and I remember saying, there is no way I have the time to spend 18 minutes breathing.
By the way, if you're saying something like that, that's a clue that you need it really badly. Um, So I started to do that one and that was a box breath. It was a hold breath. You breathe in, breathe out, breathe out, and then you exhale, and when you're, you have no breath in you, then you hold, and it just, that in itself, it's highly healing, it's like very good for the body and it's really good for the mind.
I felt like my nervous system was really calm with that. So that was helpful. What I will say is I wasn't, I was relaxing, I was getting more calm. That wasn't necessarily bringing me like clarity or downloads, it was more of just like a really great mental and physical reset.
But what you're talking about, hypnobreath work, or the type of breath work that I do now, was brought to me by a client and she had created this specific modality and, was working with me on growing her visibility and, growing her reach to grow the practice and her business, but also to grow credibility so she could fundraise because she has an app.
And I remember she's like, this is not like any other breath work you've done. And I'm like, I've done some breathwork, not a ton, but I've done some. And she's like, let me give you an experience. So I did a recording and I was like, wow, that was really good. But then she gave me an experience over zoom and it changed everything.
I was like, holy shit, that was massively powerful. And what I got to learn with hypno breath work is one, you're actually almost over oxegenating So it's really helping the body to really clear Because we store, trauma, memories, patterns in our physical being.
And then it was also, helping the nervous system. But what I found is I would get all these downloads. So it wasn't just that I was like calming my mind or clearing my mind, but I was getting actual downloads of clarity. And so it would help me digest something, but also bring in so many new ideas.
So obviously I couldn't have her just on zoom, like on, on demand. So I started using the app when the app came out, it's called Mastry. And I still use that. Sometimes I use my own sessions because now I'm certified in it.
Before the app came out, I was like, I want my clients to get this result and so I got certified and started to do it like you experienced at my events. I started to do on calls. Um, And the same thing, the clients were like, had, these really emotional experiences where they would clear old beliefs or energies, or at the very least just get really calm and get very clear on what they needed to do. Sometimes it was like, it was a hard conversation. Sometimes it was like, there's times I needed to fire someone, or sometimes it was like, Hey, I have an opportunity, is this a good idea or is this really aligned?
And I would breathe on it. And not only would I come out with the clear answer, cause you cannot, you cannot trick your body when you're breathing. But I also would usually have far better ideas than I went in with. Whether it's getting rid of a problem or clearing a problem or getting into really intuitive action where you're like, I feel so aligned in this, I actually feel compelled to take action instead of getting a good idea and be like, I should do this thing.
And the funny part is I've actually not been consistent about it the last probably six months to a year. And I was doing a little test cause I'd say it was consistent every day. So then I'm twice a day for a year and I was in more expansion.
Then ever. And then we decided to move to Carmel six months ago. So during that time, I'm like, I'm going to purposely stop doing some of the things that really worked for me because I want to know how much of the way I feel is just being in a literally different place.
Leaving Silicon Valley, which, I felt was a source of a lot of my stress and I'm changing my lifestyle. And so I'm just literally just turned 45. Two days ago. by the way, happy birthday, my fellow Aquarius.
Rebecca: Now it's been six months, I'm going to intentionally start putting other things back in, like I used to never walk in nature. Now I walk in nature every day.
I reset things and now I'm going to bring back the tools so I can get a real understanding on like how good they are. And I will say though, I do still do breathwork and any day I do breathwork, it's wild how much better I feel. Yeah. Wild. Yeah. By far the most powerful tool I have found of all of the tools of journaling, of meditation, of therapy, of anything. If you want to work through a problem, you want to get more creative, you want to just get in action, like Breathwork.
Steph: Yeah. To me, Breathwork is the active version.
There's this whole spectrum of Meditation, spiritual experiences, that kind of thing. And in my mind, it goes from like sound bath to breath work, which is like sound bath is so passive. It's happening to you, and then as you go more and more meditation is actually somewhat in the middle because you're like leading yourself through, but then breath work is like that power punch, like whatever it is.
And so it makes sense to me that you're saying that that fast energy was so related to your breathwork practice.
Rebecca: A hundred percent. And that's the other thing I like about it is for people that do want to be a little bit more in action. However, you don't always have to do an action based breathwork.
I will say, Daisy and she's one of my favorite humans. She has one that's on manifestation and it's so it's not, I won't say it's mellow, but it's not necessarily about creating intuitive actions more about the way you want to feel.
And actually, the very first weekend at the Pitch Club, which was March of 2022. And you were there. I remember right before it, I was like, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I feel like I'm an imposter because I'd been running this business for a year and a half. And, you there were like 70 women there, but I hadn't been in person. And that was after almost, two years, I'm not being in person.
I literally had gone to the conference room, saw, it all decorated. I was like, Oh my God, this might kill me. Went back to my room. Put on a mask because I do to not see anything while I'm doing breathwork. And I did Daisy's Manifestation breathwork and it was 22 minutes.
And I literally came out of it being like, I'm born for this. 22 minutes of shifting your state from I'm going to throw up, I'm an imposter to I was born for this and having this like incredible magical event. That's powerful.
Steph: That truly is how impactful that breathwork, I've experienced it too.
And it's so funny to me that you say that you had this imposter syndrome. It makes sense because there was so long that we were only virtual at this point. We were just coming out of the pandemic. Um, Because I see you as someone who shines so much in the actual, like physical presence with the group hands on, like that to me is your absolute genius zone is when you are really there and leading, whether it's just a couple of people or, 150, 200 and one of the Pitch Club weekends that really, to me is one of those spots that you shine so naturally.
Rebecca: I didn't know that though. I'm an extroverted introvert or however you say it. I do like to recharge, which again is something I've learned. But what I really found and again, Enneagram is when Tracy's like, okay, Enneagram sevens, they're all about building community and having fun, and then again, going deep. So it's like deep and fun because you got the five that goes deep in the seven is very fun, but I'd never thought about it that way cause I never thought about myself as a community builder until I had a community.
Steph: But you totally like it natural at it.
Rebecca: Now I'm like, I have a burlesque community. I have a yoga community. I have a woo community. I have my business community. I just got back from a week with seven and eight figure female entrepreneurs and it was not even a mastermind.
It's just our third year taking this vacation together. And we were like, No one else can join. And not to be not inclusive, but we're like, it's our third year for many of us. And we're like, at this point, like it's gone so deep, it wouldn't be fair to bring anyone else in.
But yes, I love having those communities of, women and people and, with kids, it's like also, there's communities of just parents.
But I love having that. And I think in life, I don't expect to get everything from one person or from one group. And so having different communities is a really important part. And I had been part of multiple communities and I got different things from each, but I was like, I'm not getting everything I want.
That's great that this one I'm getting information. That's great. This one I'm getting friends and that's great. This one I'm getting inspired, but I'm like, I wanted to bring everything together in the Pitch Club, so that other people didn't have to go join six different things. And to bring together the support from a soul level, not just like, are you doing your accountability things? Yeah, that's great. But when you're not, do you have someone that can hold you energetically? And then of course the other side is what are the real things that we need to grow our business and our life?
And also the permission and love sometimes for someone to just say, it's okay to take a break.
Steph: Yeah, and you really have been that person. I know I tried to be an example of just slow down. It's okay.
Rebecca: It's true.
Steph: I know we all have different people that we go to like, okay, if I want, To be fired up about something. I have that one friend who I'll text, right? And be like, hey what do I do?
If I want more spiritual guidance then I have another friend that I'll text.
But um, One of the things that was really important to you, I know from the very beginning, was that combination of strategy and inspiration, because you've mentioned multiple times that you were going to all different events and there was nothing that had both of them, you would either come home and be like, Oh, I'm so inspired. Now, what do I do? Or. Oh, there's so much strategy. I have so much to do and I don't have any energy to do.
Rebecca: Well, the issue with both of those is even if you come home and you're like, Oh my gosh, I know my 99 point game plan. I know exactly what to do. And then you get to step four and you don't have like the confidence and empowerment to like, well, what do I do to align with this? Because, trying to do something that's not aligned, you're going to self sabotage or procrastinate.
And then the other side, like you said, really inspiring. I remember in August of 2016, I went to an event. It was like really inspiring, not a lot of, not a lot of strategy, but like really inspiring. And I was like, I'm going to do all these things. And I came home and I had a cancer diagnosis from a family member. And it completely took me out of it.
I prepare people now have integrations, like you're going to go home and you've been in this bubble especially with my retreats, been in a bubble for four or five days. And it is a bubble where you get to show up as who you are and be fully seen and heard and valued and loved.
And you're going to go home and life is not going to be like this when you go. So how do you reintegrate without getting resentful or deflated? And still be able to serve your mission or your goal.
We talk about the word balance and people like balance is bullshit.
And part of me agrees, but it's more of a harmony because I think about the different instruments, but I do say myself, and I'm like the woman that's like, no, I can have it all. Maybe not all at the same time, but I can have it all. And I can do it all, not all at the same time, but I can do it one thing at a time, maybe like three things at a time.
But it's not unreasonable that we want fulfilling relationships romantically and in friends. It's not unreasonable that we want to have success. And I don't even like the word success. I like the word like professional fulfillment that feels fulfilling and good and pays us well. Or it pays us wildly.
It's not unreasonable that we should be able to have like good health and energy and feel strong in our bodies and also like travel and like do all these other things that we want. And we either get sold this idea that we should be able to do all so perfectly like social media highlights or we're doing one area, we're failing at the others or we're just failing.
And I am really a believer that if we continue to be really honest with ourselves as we evolve, right? And we understand that this isn't about checking out boxes, not even about hitting gold. It's actually about changing our identity. Then we can have a lot. Cause I look at my life right now and, does that mean there's not things I want to improve? Absolutely not. Like I'm really healthy. I have great energy. I feel great in my body. I'm doing. What I love. I set my own schedule. I'm in an incredibly happy marriage. I have a five and an eight year old almost going to be nine tomorrow, which can be crazy and also beautifully rewarding.
And there's nothing wrong with my kids, even though on every day I can love them more than I can believe and also feel like they're making me crazy. And, I have things I look forward to and I'm like, again, does that mean that there's not things I can improve today?
Of course. But there's also things I'm wildly grateful for and things I'm looking forward to and that to me is balance. I am excited to go to bed because I'm excited for the next day. And I'm grateful for so many of the things that are going beautifully. And I'm also really excited for the things that I'm still working on.
Steph: Yeah, I just totally had a click moment like as you were speaking. It's all about what you're prioritizing now versus what you're going to prioritize in the future. Everything comes down to prioritizations.
Rebecca: A hundred percent.
Steph: When I decided to step back from my business, really what I was doing was like, okay, I'm going to prioritize my self care. Cause that's what needs a little love right now. And you can't prioritize them all at the same time. You can't give 10s to everything that you're doing.
But it's picking that thing to prioritize, focusing on it and knowing that's what you're focusing on right now doesn't necessarily mean that's forever .
There's
Rebecca: going to be some things that are: close a loop, like this needs to be done once and it's probably those are usually the things that aren't as fun like dealing by taxes. There's the things that are like ongoing. And then there's the things that are like, Hey, this is actually not like a thing I want to finish. This is a mindset. So for me, like moving my body isn't a to do. It's not a checklist item. It's definitely not a loop to close, right? Loop to close is like dealing with my EDD, like my employee development whatever letter they sent me. And I'm like, I hope this is once. I don't know because I've never done it before. But looking at things like movement or like how I feel my body, those aren't to do's.
Now the to do might be. I'm not moving myself and I realize that I don't feel as good. And so I want to close the loop on creating a habit or a framework where I move my body.
And listen, everyone goes in waves, I think with fitness, but when I redefined like, what does fitness look like for me, even with I'll say being sick and on vacation. So 10 days I've not been as consistent, but okay, how am I going to set it up where I move my body five days a week?
And that took me a little while to be like, okay, I'm going to get a trainer and be two days a week at five 30 in the morning before any excuses, I just get up and work out. I'm going to do two days where I have a dance class one day a week or two days a week, and then I go to yoga on Fridays. And then the other days I walk my kids to school and I, by the way, I did this yesterday. I got 20, 000 steps in, I did not do a workout, but I got 20, 000 steps and half of them with a weighted vest. And I was like, there we go.
So even just that right, if I needed to close the loop on creating a new habit and a new mindset, but that only, I only had to focus on that for three or four weeks. Until it became a habit, until it became just like part of my identity and now it's just there. So yes, you don't need to focus on all the things at once, but what do you, what is the most important?
Steph: Right now. What is the most important right now?
Rebecca: And I will always say, which I think we, we tend to ignore in traditional business, focusing on like the things that in fact impact your health and energy are probably the most important because they're going to impact everything else.
The other thing that impacts energy, though, is if you're doing things you don't want to do. If you, if your life is full of obligations that drain you, relationships that drain you, projects, tasks that drain you, this doesn't mean you can get rid of everything, but it's time to, it's time to get rid of some things.
Steph: That to me is what balance is that you're getting to a point where you're somewhat satisfied with your buckets so that when that crazy thing happens, it doesn't knock you off too much, right?
Like that to me is that balance because those crazy things are going to happen, whether it's, someone getting sick or a documentary that coming out or all those things, having that baseline of balance, right? Is I think what helps us stay consistent and do the wobble, but then come back to center.
I want to talk about putting yourself in rooms and challenging yourself to be put in rooms and how important that is for you because that's something that you do for other people, you've done it to me multiple times, you put me in the room and you're like, here, this is where you need to be. These are the people that you need to meet because we see what's possible when we see other people doing it.
Rebecca: Absolutely. So let's just go back to the basic idea of you become the sum of the 5 people that you are around the most, right?
And these don't just have to be like some people may say yeah, but I don't have a lot of people that are super inspiring or. Successful or whatever around me. This is also like what you're listening to. And as someone who's like, okay, am I going to choose today to listen to Mel Robbins or Real Housewives? This is not a judgment because sometimes I also like to listen to, I say, listen, cause I do it on my phone. I don't like really sit down and watch TV. But I'm like, I'm doing the dishes and laundry. I can watch an episode.
Steph: Sometimes you need some Real Housewives.
Rebecca: What I found though, is actually listening to fiction at night makes me feel way better.
So, historical fiction. I can learn from this. This is cool. And also you'll turn it off when you're tired versus I can just finish the 20 minutes. But going back to that we become the, sum of the people that were around and we realized that can be a positive or negative thing.
So I think if you look at who are the five people that are impacting me that are in the negative way, obviously let's minimize those relationships, but often we're not being intentional around who are people that are not part of my circle or my environment right now that I want to be around.
So unless you're hiring those people as a coach or a trainer or whatever, typically if there's someone that's massively inspiring to you, how are you going to get access to them? And so that's where I found like for myself in 2018.
And I remember watching a woman who became one of my first mentors and in one year she launched a podcast, a bestselling book, a mastermind like, like, I was just like, what I've known this woman for four years, five years, and she been doing the same thing and all of a sudden it just seemed like she exploded.
And I was like, how the heck did she do this? Well, I found out she was in a mastermind. And so one is it got her out of the, I don't want to say the rut, but what she was already doing that she was doing well. But again, she wasn't being creative or expanded. And so I joined her mastermind and literally the first event I remember sitting with a woman and she was like talking about my goal next this quarter is to do a hundred thousand dollar quarter. I'm sorry. A hundred thousand dollar a month. And I went, wait, what?
Now, I think it's easy to go on Instagram and hear someone talk about that and discount like yeah, but they're this, or they have this, or like they don't have, they don't have kids or they don't have, these issues I'm dealing with.
But when you're like in the room with people and you can see that they're really real, then you're like, oh wait, at the time I had two kids, she has three kids. And so you start to see you're not that different. You start to see the humanness, not the highlights. And she did that and I ended up having my first 100, 000 dollar year that year too.
And it was because I saw what was possible and I stopped making excuses. The other thing is when you put yourself in your room and you develop rapport. I always want to say like, Energy is an exchange and so I'm actually remind me to share some boundaries I've been recently setting because I'm fired up about this, about people that like, want to pick your brain or want you to give them all the goods.
And it doesn't feel like it's equal energy exchange. So you get to a point where you develop rapport with people and you can just ask them, And I don't mean ask them the basic questions like, Hey, so what are all the things you did for X, Y, and Z? Cause most likely they have a podcast.
You can listen to the podcast and then ask them a really more in depth challenging question. But you're able to do that and I'll give an example. The idea of I remember when I met Lori Harder, she was an expander of mine 10 years ago and I was like, Oh my God, total fangirling. Like I was like, she doesn't know who I am.
She doesn't know my name. I've been on Lori's podcast twice. I spoke out on her stage. She's been on my stage. We do PR for her now. She texted me on my birthday and I was just like, this is crazy, but that would have never happened had I not put myself in rooms where she was or at least around people that were around her, that developed because of the rooms I put myself in and um, it's actually pretty great.
We just took on a big client for the PR agency side of my business. That is a 50 million a year business. And I promise there's someone, a New York Times bestselling author, and there's someone everyone knows, everyone.
But I'm looking at this and I'm like, this is wild. Now the crazy part is I don't even know them, but I know the decision maker at their company and guess what? I built a relationship. Someone I was in a room with that.
I built a relationship. Now I will say rooms are fire starters, they're sparkers. You need to nurture that though, to turn it into a flame so that you have something ongoing.
but yeah, I have masterminds myself and I tell the women, you've been in my mastermind twice. I tell them, and I'm like, listen, I could be the best one on one coach for you ever.
We could be aligned in every area, right? And I find two to three steps ahead of you and each of them, I will be able to give you incredible results. However. And I'm very honest with this, which is why I don't do a lot of one to one coaching. I do in my mastermind, but I don't take a lot of one to one clients as I said, doesn't matter how good I am.
It's not like the magic of having 10 to 20 women in a group where they support each other over, six months or over a year, because I can give you a lot of introductions, but if you have 12 other women , and all of them can provide you something. If you're going through a challenging relationship, if you need parenting advice, if you are like, they're like so organized and they have all the workflows, right? If they have all the introductions, like you just can't get that same level of magic from one person you can get from a group.
Steph: Yeah. And a lot of people will say, Oh, I'm not at a certain level. I don't belong in that room yet. But I think that's, what's magical about the kind of rooms that you curate naturally is that you have people at so many different levels.
So even if I'm having a conversation with someone that's just slightly ahead of me. They might be giving me what I need just by having gone through what they've gone through.
Rebecca: A hundred percent. And I will say I remember joining my first mastermind and it was a 500, 000 minimum per year in business to be in it.
And I was like, I'm one of the lowest. I did scale to seven figures that year. And I think a lot of that was what I learned and new relationships in the business that was created. But but I went into that and there was like 24, 25 businesses in that room, 25 different business owners.
And I remember just being like, I'm just, I'm going to focus on serving everyone. Steph, I won the MVP of that year, and I was one of the smallest businesses. It was because I went into the room and I literally, tried to meet with every single person outside of the mastermind in the first two months.
And I was like, tell me more about yourself. What are your goals and what do you need? And some of them, I was like, Hey, I've got some tools for you. Some of them became clients of mine. Some of them, I connected with other people. Some of them I connect with investors like and I always made it that if I got off the call with them, what can I do to make their life a little better?
And then, following up, cause you can't be one and done, but I will say, I don't know what it's like to have a 50 million a year business, but I have two clients that are 25 million plus, you don't have to necessarily exceed where someone's at to bring value to their life.
And I think that's where people get like really tripped up. And so going back to the vacation, I was just on, and putting yourself in the rooms, one of the women, and I won't use names, but one of the women, she's got a large following, I think like 700, 800, 000 followers. She's built a high seven figure, multiple seven figure business, like hitting close to hitting eight figures a year without ever doing ads.
She has a New York time selling book and she was just on Mel Robbins podcast. Now. That is someone that would be challenging to get access to. Cause think about when people listen to her podcast, how many people have read her book. If you were in a room with her, now we were actually more like on a week long vacation in Mexico.
But believe me that the conversations that are had and spending a week with her and seeing behind the scenes of she does the same stuff that I do. She has the same issue of employee challenges or communication or like scaling or, the problems maybe get bigger, but they're not necessarily new.
They're just at a bigger scale and that doesn't mean I can't still add value. Being in a different place, being in a different business with a different model, and I think people just forget that is you are going to be valuable based on who you are. Based on how you show up based upon the resources you provide, not just on your income or follower count.
Steph: Yeah. I think there's this idea too that if you go around being of service to everybody, then you are going to wear yourself out. That's where you mentioned boundaries a little earlier. Yes.
Rebecca: Yeah. Okay. Let me put it this way. So I think if you're constantly giving and you're self abandoning.
And by the way, I didn't connect in that mastermind with people that I didn't jive with. If I didn't have a good feeling, if you don't energetically like connect, do not waste your time.
Cause a poor client or a friend that is low vibe takes five times more energy, at least than a positive person does. Without naming names, I'm just going to share like where I've added value and also where I've gotten value back from them.
And it wasn't a tit for tat, right? It was like, Hey, this is an equal energy exchange because we like each other and we want to do the best for each other. Okay. So one of the women has spoken at multiple of my events and I've spoken to her event. And I've supported her in some things in the PR visibility realm, and she's done like an attachment session for me.
Okay. I have another woman and this is another like million dollar a month business owner who did, I've done some PR stuff for her, but I've also done breath work for her son when he was dealing with something and she's had me speak for her events and I've gotten client referrals from her.
One of the other women, we both been clients for each other. We both are like in health and biohacking, but she really got inspired when I built my home. And so she's using Pat, my designer. One of the other women, again, both of us have been clients for each other. We both shared so many clients. I'm meaning like we've referred clients back and forth when the other woman, I introduced her to her business partner and in helping her meet investors for a startup. Another woman, like she's done ads for me and been a client, I've sent her clients and I've helped her through a divorce, as a friend. So that's just an example. It's Do you notice that only like three of those women, was it really business focused less than half?
No, that doesn't mean that business won't come out of it. But I think when we're so focused on like business first, and so here's a story I was going to tell you about boundaries. So I'm on the beach in Mexico, it's like our first day. And I get a text message and I deleted it after, so I'm going to paraphrase it.
And it was someone I had not had any contact with in years. It was someone I knew, I knew them from like a company I was in years ago and they were not like part of my, my, my team, my group, et cetera.
But I knew about them. So I hadn't, I didn't realize that they texted me a year ago. It was a video text and I actually hadn't even watched it. First of all, that's really aggressive.
Steph: Yeah.
Rebecca: For someone you haven't talked to in years to send them a video that they need to watch. That's I get like face, etc.
But there was no consent for that. Yeah. So then I played it and it was literally like. Hey, I've got an opportunity for you. You need to hear about this. When can you talk? Okay. Those messages I thought died like 10 years ago.
And I'm not trying to be like a B word about this because I'm not making fun of anybody that is out there being consistent and like showing up and for their business. But it was the way that it was done. And so I just said, Hey, I've got some really strong boundaries right now around anything that involves my time, my energy, or my resources.
And I'm out of the country. So that was the boundary set of if this is a pitch on something, I'm not really interested.
Steph: Not the time.
Rebecca: Not the time. Yeah. And I'm on vacation. So had the person came back and said, Oh my gosh, have the best time. It's here's what they should have done in the very beginning.
Rebecca, it's been forever. Yeah. Like you were, an old memory pulled up on Facebook or whatever, like, how are you? Yeah. That is the way to break the ice when you talk to someone, you don't pitch them your opportunity. And anyway, so when I sent that back, they responded back. So when are you available next week?
Steph: Not.
Rebecca: No. And here's what I responded. I responded back and I said, I'm going to put down a firm boundary here. That I'm not interested in this and I'm not interested because I only do business with people that I have a human connection with or a referral from a human connection.
And I recommend, I don't know how good your opportunity is, but I recommend that you connect with someone as a human to human first because nobody wants to be pitched an opportunity.
Steph: Yeah.
Rebecca: No one, unless it's coming from my wealth manager.
Steph: Yeah.
Rebecca: And that's their relationship with you?
Their job. Yeah, that's their job. And I, it's funny 'cause I had two messages from different, but ironically these are both men that week and both of 'em, I was just like a whole paragraph. They basically like, Hey, you've got a big social following.
You've got a big email list. Let's do a jv. When are you available to talk next week? And this was not spam. This is someone I know. And this is someone I paid to coach with years ago. Yeah. And I just said. I want to be really honest and authentic with you that I am only doing collaborations with people that I have a high level of intimacy and connection with right now.
And those are only women. And not that I don't trust men. I'm just, my business is for women by women.
Steph: Yeah. And that word authentic. It's so important in that like, is, would this be authentic to me? It's not even that is talking with this person aligned with who I authentically am?
Rebecca: I'm sure those guys were sending, 50 of those messages that day.
It's gosh, if you would have had a real heart to heart with three to five people, that you could genuinely leave, a connected message for that's going to go so much further. And again, Stephanie, going back to the rooms, I see a lot of people that are serial networkers and, or just like trying to be friends with everyone.
And that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when I go to events, I'm like, who do I jive with? And I look at making two to three quality connections.
And if I go to one event a month, that's two to three coffee chats after where we jump on a call. And then I'm still vetting of is this someone that I really like what they're all about? And at worst case, I'm going to get off, I'm going to give them a podcast, a book or connection. But is this someone that I want to talk to on an ongoing basis?
Steph: And not even on an ongoing basis, because I know that there's definitely some women that I've met through you and through the Pitch Club, that I feel like if I really had something that they could help me with because I had such an authentic connection with them, it wouldn't be as out of the blue, even if I haven't talked to them in a long time.
Rebecca: And it's authentic, and it's also because it's deep, and it's very different with deep. And when I say talk to someone on a consistent basis, they're my friends, I talk to, we text every day.
And there's friends that I might talk to once every six months, but I know I could literally call them about anything, but it's based upon how deep it goes.
So you know you, again, depending on the level of interaction, the reason that you have those relationships, those women is you spent five days with them and you got to know them in every facet of their being. And so you don't, it doesn't require as much, but if you meet someone at an event.
And you just like you meet them in a networking exercise or an icebreaker, then you're going to need to do a coffee chat and if you want to grow a relationship with them or become a power partner in business or whatever, then you're going to need to like, make it more consistent until you get to that depth.
So that depth can happen quickly, but it's usually because we're like,
Steph: Yeah, and also going through similar situations or similar experiences. That's what I think is so important and what's so great about the Pitch Club Weekends that you would put on is that we are all going through the same breathwork.
We are all focusing on the same topic.
Rebecca: It's like the same reason there's, certain moms that like we're in mom's groups together. And so I may never talk to them about business, but I know that if I'm on a call the runs late and I need to text them to grab my kid for 10 minutes.
Great. There's other people though, that you're like, Hey, we're in business together. the same type of business, but we both have similar goals. And so that's the thing I think that people maybe don't understand if they're not, I don't just want to say in business, but if you went to a yoga retreat for five days, you could create lifelong friendships.
Yeah. And maybe you support each other outside of just Hey, like our connection, our movement, our spiritual, whatever, or like a love of a place. But I think it's really important to understand that sometimes you can have relationships that are more recent, that go far deeper than relationships that have been long term where you may have lived a lot of life together, but they never actually went to what is your soul purpose?
Steph: Yeah.
Rebecca: What is the scariest thing you've ever been through? What is something that you want to whisper because it's such a big goal that you're afraid to say it out loud? Like when you start asking those types of questions with people, you go to a totally different level of knowing with them.
Steph: Yeah, definitely.
And I think that when you talk about reintegration, it's about how to shift from that deepness to coming back to your family or your husband and you're not going to be like right off the bat be like, all right, so what's that goal that you are afraid to say out loud?
Rebecca: I will say when I first was really into personal growth and became an entrepreneur and I would come back from stuff and my husband's amazing and he was just like, wait, what? And he was excited for me where now, I usually try to like preface throughout when I'm gone.
I'm coming home with some big ideas or Hey, I want to make some changes, so I'll try not to like, just throw it all on him when I get home and he's like, your suitcase hasn't been unpacked. But yeah,
I think it's also important to know who can I have as support and what, one of the things like Tracy, I keep talking about Tracy O'Malley, but we text each other twice a day in the morning and the evening, we share a five minute journal. We do a screen capture of it and it's for accountability. It's one accountability to cheer each other on. It's also accountability to just do the journal and the journal requires what are your three things you're going to commit to today.
And then at the end of the day, when I haven't done something, I have to give a reason why. And I'm like, Oh, I overcommitted or I didn't prioritize or I whatever. And there's going to be people like that. I do think it's really important. Anytime you want to create change in any area. That you get accountability.
Steph: Yeah. I want to talk about going back to, you mentioned, is that one of the things that when I was really slowing down, I started reading a lot more fiction. The balance between the self help books, as fantastic as they are, and as inspiring as they are, sometimes, You have to lean back into play and you have to lean back into what you call CPR which is such a fun exercise.
And I'll tell you that having done this exercise with you in multiple points of my life and multiple points of my business. One of the most interesting things is seeing how it has changed. And we can talk about that for a minute, but first tell us what the CPR exercise is.
Rebecca: Yes. I'll tell you like where it came about was I was at a point where I felt like I was flatlining and not like literally going to die.
But I was like, I am exhausted. I have a million things to do. And I just feel like I'm not charged up. And I did breathwork, shocker. And what came to me is You're not tapping into creativity, because creativity is such an energy creator. You're not playing, you're not having fun. And again, me, Enneagram 7 if I'm not having fun, not 24 7, but I have to be enthused by things.
I have to look forward to things. And things that feel like play, I'm going to do all day long, and I'm going to do them really well, and by the way, I want to do them. And then the other is restoration, which is, Not just like getting massage and, a good night's rest. Like all those things are important.
Like, how am I like renewing my soul? So I sat down and I just made a list of each of them and I'm like, okay, what feels like creativity? And by the way, as you mentioned, I do this quarterly because it changes. So what felt like creativity two years ago is I want to do another remodel.
Because I love design. I love a construction project where right now creativity feels like I'm doing burlesque and I'm doing a Monday night modern contemporary dance class. And I want to do some painting, or maybe free riding, like those things can change.
So having a menu is really important. You can be like, what feels good right now. So the creativity, the play. And then of course, restoration. The whole point of this is looking at what am I doing with my time? And if you have a habit tracker, it breaks it down daily, weekly, monthly, and I sat down and I was like, okay, what is my creativity play and restoration look like at least weekly?
And that's pretty easy to put it. I'm like, okay, creativity. Dance play is like my husband and I do, we'd go out for a date night and we play cribbage. That's literally so fun. We listen to live music. We play cribbage. Restoration is I go to sound healing twice a month. That is like the most restorative thing and also a good night's sleep, which is a daily.
So you start to actually build these things in the other side of though is, you've got to get rid of things that are not feeling like creativity, play, or restoration. So I have something called the balanced blueprint and these exercises are in it and it's free. You can download them.
Steph: And I'll link it. I'll link it too.
Perfect.
So basically what you're doing is you're writing down all the things that make you feel creative. You're writing all the things that you're playing.
Rebecca: You've got to write it down, ideally when you feel creative. If you write it down when you're feeling really bummed out, you're not going to think about ideas. Obviously ask ChatGPT. ChatGPT is great. But you want things that light you up.
And what I have found is, it's like a joy menu.
These things are going to bring you joy. But again, you need to create it and be intentional. And now I will say the majority of what I do in my life personally, like 70 percent of my life is creative or play. I don't do many things that I don't want to do.
And I went from living in Palo Alto and having, a housekeeper and a nanny and by choice moving to our beach house. And so now I do more laundry, a little bit more but I listen to a book. And so going back to the books, my husband and I have a book club, just the two of us.
We started this in December, and it's pretty amazing because I think we've gone through seven books in the last month and a half, about one a week. And we alternate who gets to choose. So we've done, let's see, the first book was How to Talk to Strangers.
A little dark. Good Information. Then we did How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicola Perla, the holistic psychologist. And then Atomic Habits, which was a great one right before the New Year. And then the body keeps score and then I've read a few of my own. But here's what I'll say about now. These are technically, these are all nonfiction, but they're not all necessarily self help.
Okay. And then, yes like once a month, I do a fiction book too.
Steph: In my journey, it was so important to go back to fiction because I used to love reading fiction when I was a kid. This also relates to the CPR. Like when I was feeling so burnt out and so exhausted and I wasn't putting my rest as a priority, when I sat down to do this exercise of CPR, I could not think of things. How was I being creative? I don't know. I could not think about how was I playing? I just couldn't.
And then it was such a reflection point to me to do it again later on and it just flowed so much better. I was in such a better place. And I did notice about how much of that was things that I enjoyed when I was a kid.
Rebecca: Right. That's the funny thing is like, ultimately we go back to like, Oh, wow. I just did all these things, and sometimes we overcomplicate it. Is what it is.
Steph: Yeah. We spend our childhood trying to be an adult and trying to be grown up and then we spend our adult trying to do the stuff that we were doing.
Rebecca: Here's one thing I want to add though, it's this is not a to do list.
It's a to be list, but you don't need to do all the things all the time. So when I'm looking at, and again, this is in the balance blueprint, like my non negotiables for the day, my goal is to not make it really difficult for me to do the things that help me feel really good. Every day I say there's three things that need to happen every day and, and this is outside of work. I usually have at least one thing in work that needs to get done or someone's going to be on my case. Three things that need to happen every day is movement of my body, time outside and connection. Most mornings I walk my kids to school with the dog outside and guess what I get?
Steph: All three.
Rebecca: Time outside. We talk about what are you excited about today? What are you calling in? What are you grateful for? And then yeah, I get all three of those.
And so by 845 when I'm home and I'm about to start my work day, at nine. Usually I have had a great day. Like I have already checked the box and now if I just spend the nine to 10 hour getting done the thing I do at work by 10 o'clock, I'm like, yeah. I'm in great shape.
Everything after this is gravy.
Steph: One of my favorite faculty to work with at the GSB. Her name is Jennifer Aaker and she calls those multipliers. What are the things where you can hit multiple buckets at the same time?
Rebecca: Just to let you know, this is not about quote multitasking. I have a really interesting relationship with productivity for productivity sake. Cause I will say I was probably one of the most productive people that anyone could ever meet.
And then I realized a lot of the things that I was being productive with, I was actually outsourcing joy because I'm like I don't have to do this. And I still don't enjoy laundry. It will say that. But like at night now, I could hire a house manager to do the dishes, but you know what?
It doesn't require that much time, and this is when I'm doing my audible book. Yeah. I do not multitask with my kids or my husband. I multitask when I'm listening to something usually, and outside of that, I just do a lot of delegation and a lot of deletion.
So the automate, delegate, delete, is a big one, but again don't outsource your joy.
Steph: I think that is a fantastic thing to add on. Don't outsource your joy, figure out how to make that your priorities and how you can get there.
Thank you so much for coming on. I know you have to run and grab your kiddo. But I just want to say how much I appreciate you. I'm constantly amazed at what you're doing and constantly amazed at what you're showing everyone else that they can do.
Rebecca: That's part of my six word story, right? Guiding awakened women to their purpose or awakening women.
But but it's also, it's showing people what's possible and that requires me going first or at least going.
Steph: Thank you so much.
Rebecca: You're welcome.
Steph: Love you.
Rebecca: Love you.
Steph: I am so honored to have had you with me today on our journey to Becoming Aligned AF. I hope that this episode sparked some clarity, made you think, or even inspired a small shift towards the life that actually fits you. Remember, alignment isn't a one time destination. It's a practice: a series of small, intentional moves that get you closer to your own version of success.
If you're loving these conversations, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if today's topic spoke to you, share it with a friend who could use a little nudge towards alignment too.
Alright, that's it for me. Catch you next time on Becoming Aligned AF. Until then, keep leaning into what lights you up.
